Client Stories, 2012 to 2023 - Sometimes we would write a client's story in the form of a letter to the staff member they had worked with.
Letter to John Torres from DeAndre: DeAndre’s wife was killed in Oakland in front of their children
Dear John,
Do you remember when you saw a picture of Chyemil? You said her smile was beautiful and warm. I couldn’t describe her better. Chyemil was beautiful and warm. She embraced people. We met at work. I flirted with her for two years but she didn’t notice. We were just friends. We went our separate ways. I married someone else. Chyemil had babies with someone else. And yet, there we were, in 2015, finally together. Happy. With her great kids, with a son of our own, living in the house where she grew up, in West Oakland, saving money to buy a house away from Oakland.
I was down in Huntington Beach for work. I suggested she fly down to meet me. A little getaway. The kids stayed with her sister in Sacramento. We had the best weekend down there. Beach. Restaurants. Relaxation. We got home late Sunday night and drove to Sac to get the kids.
The next day, she picked up the older kids early from school and was stopping by the house, before getting the baby from his daycare down the street. She parked the car. They got out. Some neighbors were out on the street. Some women, arguing. Soon some men showed up. Then the guns. It went like this: fistfight, gunfight, 2 stray bullets. Chyemil was shot in the back of her head. And in the neck. The children were there, in front of the house, their mom on the sidewalk bleeding, not moving. They tell me she died instantly.
The days after were chaos, a mix of pain, fear and confusion. How do I live? How do I continue? All of my thought processes were unclear. I really needed a professional to talk to. I was referred to a guy named John Torres, Youth Alive’s Deputy Director, and a counselor there as well. That was you, and I think what was important was that you understood this kind of violent loss, and the trauma. Because something like this, it constantly revisits you. I needed somebody to talk to, and Youth Alive was there to help. You helped me see that living my life didn’t mean leaving Chyemil behind. You helped prepare me to prepare our son for life without his mom.
It’s only been under 4 years since Chyemil was killed. I’m doing okay but there are things that hurt my heart still. The children were Chyemil’s joy. She was an outstanding mom, unselfish, loving and happy. Today, the older kids are doing well. They live with Chyemil’s sister in Sacramento and I see them regularly. Our son Cairo is with me. He was only one when it happened, but his mom is always on his mind. Sometimes, when I leave for a business trip he asks me if I will be on an airplane. When I say yes, he thinks I will be closer to heaven. He says, “Tell Mommy Hi and that I miss her.” I don’t think he understands yet the permanence. I definitely do. But you helped me remember that life can still continue. To this day, things you said still resonate. Those meetings with you gave me the courage to keep going.
Thank you,
D’Andre
Letter to Marilyn Washington Harris from Ultra: Ultra’s son was killed in Oakland when he was 21
Dear Marilyn,
A long time ago, when he was 19, my son Darnell got arrested for selling weed. He ended up in the county jail in Santa Rita. When I saw him there…he cried like a baby. He said, “I’m not gonna do this anymore, Mom. Get me out of here.” He was not one of those kids who pretends jail doesn’t affect him.
But I always came to his rescue. I’m always doing things to make sure he’s okay. I was.
I tried to protect him from Oakland. We moved to Suisun. But Oakland is our home. We came back.
One Saturday morning I was in a meeting at work and my phone kept going off. It was my daughter, then her cousin, then a family friend. It was annoying. They knew I was at work. When the meeting was over, I called my daughter back.
That morning, at 6 a.m. -- it was in November and still dark out when it happened -- in front of a store on 79th, my son Darnell was shot once in the head and killed. Some people tell me a lady near where he got shot heard him say, ‘Somebody help me.’
That’s all I know that my son said. He didn’t have a gun, but he did call for help.
I was in disbelief, but disbelief doesn’t protect you. Nothing can explain the emptiness. It is worse than pain. And the loneliness. It’s a place no one can go to with you. Except Youth Alive. Youth Alive showed up.
It was a Saturday and the coroners was closed. That weekend you called me from home and said you were with a program at Youth ALIVE! named after your own son. You told me how Khadafy was killed on a Friday and the coroners was closed the day you found out.
You entered my life in the darkest moment and showed me I was not alone. You became my guide. My eyes and my ears through those desperate days. You helped me apply for funds from the county to pay for a funeral. You knew how to get my son’s body from the coroner to the funeral home. You even met me at the funeral home to help me plan. You brought me things I needed. You accompanied me through the darkness.
Today I’m strong. Today, people look at me and say they can’t tell what I’ve been through. But this is a story that is killing my heart. If I looked like my story I’d probably be missing all my hair, all my teeth, one leg, no hands.
At the grief groups you run for parents, where it’s comfortable for us to speak about our situation with others who have gone through it, these days, more and more, people who have lost a son or daughter come to me for support. Helping them helps me heal.
Today, I’m helping others just like you said I would. I’m studying to be a nurse. And I volunteer at Highland Hospital, helping families in the same place I was when I lost Darnell.
Last year I turned his bedroom into a sitting room. We have a glass case in there with some of his things in it. Sometimes, when I sit in there, he talks to me. I hear him. I hear him telling me, “Moms, it’s gonna be all right.” And I know it is, and I thank you and Youth Alive for all your help.
Sincerely,
Ultra
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