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James O'Brien

Project Diary: a love that won't be silenced by violence




I feel like Oakland’s Brenda Grisham is one of the undaunted. Brenda witnessed the killing of her son and the nonfatal shooting of her daughter on the last day of the year in 2010. Today, along with several businesses, she runs the Christopher Lavell Jones Foundation, through which she supports families in the aftermath of a homicide, especially through the perilous legal system. The quest for justice can be healing, but it can also be a source of pain and re-traumatization. Brenda is there for families with support, advice, sometimes just a positive, encouraging courtroom presence. When I interviewed her in September, she told me a story that speaks to the impact Christopher’s life and personality continue to have on individuals after his death. It is a story that also speaks to the love that refuses to be silenced by violence. Brenda’s late son, Christopher, was a remarkable musician. He was one of those people who could pick up a song after one hearing and play it by ear. He often played at their church. Brenda’s church held a musical event to honor Christopher after his death. Among the guests was a young woman who Brenda used to babysit. She brought her boyfriend, who was curious after having heard so much from her about the kind of person Christopher was. Sometime later, the young woman came to Brenda to get her hair braided. Her boyfriend brought her to Brenda’s house and came inside. In Brenda’s house, he looked at pictures of Christopher, asked questions about him, was polite and engaging and then left. When the braiding was done and the young woman called him to pick her up he didn’t answer. “She called him and he didn’t answer the phone,” said Brenda, “so she had to get another ride home. She said when she got home, that he was sweating, his clothes were wet because he just been sweating so much.” That morning in the wee hours Brenda’s phone rang. She picked it up and it was him. As Brenda recalled it, "He said, 'I am so sorry for the loss of your son.’ He told me he was the driver of the car. He told me the make and model of the car, whose car it was, everybody who was in the car. He said, ‘I’m not going to go to the police. I’m going to tell you the information so you can relay it,’ but it was all the same people that we knew anyway. He said, ‘I’m not going to testify because they’re my friends.’" Later, the young woman told Brenda that when she got up the next morning he was gone. She’s never seen him again. The police were able to identify who he was but have never found him.

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